Back to Work I Go...
So, it's time to go back to work. It feels like just a matter of weeks since I put that 'out of office' on, I had a completely empty inbox, and I walked out the door - a little teary - to take up my new job as 'mum'. I was incredibly emotional leaving, full of apprehension and hormones.
If I was asked to write a job description for 'mum', I would be here a while... but I believe the qualities are patience, determination, ability to plan (for every poonami eventuality), and a great big dollop of self-belief.
Being a working mother is no different (not the poonami). I was fortunate that I have had the opportunity for a few 'keep in touch' days where I could go to work, sit in on a few meetings, have lots of hot coffee and generally catch up on what has been happening in the last few months. So my first day back very much felt like an extension of that. I treated myself to a new notebook and mug, and packed my (grown up) bag full of essentials like lip gloss and handcream. And yet I still had that wobble - would I be able to hold my own, would people see 'me'. I have been known as 'Rhys' mum' for 9 months - baby groups, healthcare professionals, my husband and of course, the centre of my world, my baby so along the way I had forgotten who I was, just 'Sue'. I guess the reality is that for my colleagues, I hadn't changed, I was still just 'Sue'... within minutes, it felt like I had never been away. And within a week it felt like it was the right thing to to. It was like waking up from a hibernation. That woman was still there, just had been asleep a while.
In the build-up to my re-start date, I struggled to come to terms with the idea of returning to work and counted it down with dread. Like most parents, we had no choice - we both need to work to pay our mortgage. And like many modern women, I am well-qualified and have spent years climbing that career ladder before having children. That said, many women - and men - take extended leave or give up work entirely to look after their child. Each to their own, and I could never say what is right or wrong as this is different for everyone. For me, it felt like no length of time would ever be long enough to be 'enough' and yet I hankered after a bit of normality.
So we are now one month in and quite honestly, I am really enjoying it. It is refreshing and energizing to feel like 'me'. Have my opinions sought and valued, to use problem-solving skills for business (not 'how to pack one bag for a week's holiday with a six month old'), to have the freedom to plan my day as I please without having to consider a feed, sleep, change schedule.
There are a few things i have learnt over the last few weeks:
1) You will miss your baby. We are lucky in that Rhys has a few days with dad, a few days at nursery and a few days with me however I can honestly say my heart ached the first few days. The change in routine and the footloose-fancy-free days weighed heavily on my mind. A bit of guilt perhaps, but also that wondering if he was thinking about me too. The first day I left him, he cried when he saw me as he couldn't get to me quick enough. I felt like crying, but didn't.
You will be asked about, and given (unwanted) advice on your baby A LOT. Bear with... find your inner-patience when confronted with Beryl from accounts telling you how her little Jimmy was sleeping through from 8 weeks. Firstly, who cares, secondly, people's definition of 'sleeps through' varies greatly. Just nod along until you can push them out the window...
2) Grab some home comforts. Your favourite coffee, a scented lip balm, a hairbrush. You will get chance to use all these (hoorah!) and it will give you that pep you need when you feel a bit vulnerable. I also underestimated how dry my lips would get talking more than normal, and being subjected to office air-con.
3) Straighten that crown. Believe in yourself. Self-doubt is common amongst mums that return to work. That good old 'baby-brain' may kick in from time to time, but even you will be amazed at how quickly you get going again. Unless you are utterly sleep deprived...
4) Get some sleep. Easier said than done with a little one, but grab those early nights and power-naps when you can. Adjusting to your new routine can be tiring. If sleep is still elusive once you are back at work, use those lunchtimes to hit the fresh air to give yourself a boost instead. Even if it is a wander around the shops.
5) Get planning. Everything from 'what can I wear?' to 'What will dinner be?'. Take the pressure off yourself by getting yourself organised will mean it's one less thing to worry about. I splurged on a few new tops and one pair of trousers, took my shoes to the cobblers and dusted off my 'work' handbag in which I stashed my essentials. I stocked the freezer with batch-cooked 'ready to go meals' and invested in a magnetic notebook which we stuck to the fridge so we can plan at the beginning of the week what we'll have. This helps with shopping too so on our days at work, we don't have to worry about picking up supplies or cooking.
As a fail-safe, always have a few tins of soup (great for knocking up an instant lunch for you and baby) plus tomatoes, ratatouille and lentils - just mix with herbs, spices and pastas or rice for a hearty evening meal with leftovers for tomorrow's lunch.
Finally...
6) Be kind to yourself. A degree of determination is needed to make this work. For some it is motivated by money, for others by the sheer mental stimulation. Whatever the reason for returning, it is completely different to that routine you have carved for yourself at home. Both are hard work, both can be physically and mentally draining. Both are to give you and your family the best life possible. So every now and again just remind yourself how amazing you are - enjoy that 'me' time.