Mommy Mental Health: From Pregnancy to Motherhood
Life changes from the moment you find out that there is a tiny life growing inside you. For many expectant moms or moms with kids already, it is a joyous experience with a build-up of excitement but for other moms…it’s a scary experience.
Whether you have kids or expecting your 1 st baby/babies, motherhood mental health changes a lot when you have a tiny human relying on you 24 hours a day. We all hear of the ‘baby blues’ or PND (post-natal depression) but what does it truly feel to experience this? Many moms out there will tell you; it is a wonderful time it truly is, but also there are times where our mental health does suffer from a number of influencing factors.
Mommy mental health is an important topic that is not talked about enough. There are many moms out there who suffer in silence because they are trying their hardest to stay strong for their children. We battle our minds daily, hiding our fears and breaking points to be there for these tiny humans who need us and want us all day every day. Even after they’ve gone to bed we are still filled with worry.
This post is aimed to share my experience with you all and views of other mommies out there to show that we are all in this together, if you are struggling, don’t suffer alone.
My experience…
I’m a 25-year-old first time momma bear, who has depression and anxiety. I have a son who I completely adore but life changed when I found out I was expecting.
It was March last year, I was in the middle of doing my MA degree, I knew my monthly visitor was late, but I put it down to stress from the course. I also put it down to the fact that I hadn’t been feeling well lately and I was just probably run down.
Having anxiety though, makes you overthink everything. Listing different scenarios in your mind of what could be.
After a day at university, I bought a test on my way home to put my mind at ease. As soon as I got home, I took the test, trying to convince myself its fine … but after a few minutes it came up positive. I immediately cried. This was not planned, my anxiety hit the roof, it was a huge shock. The next day it was confirmed by my doctor I was indeed pregnant. I freaked out, questioning, how will I cope? What am I going to do? Will my mom kick me out? Where will I go? Etc. I told the father and my heart sank at his reaction, exactly how I expected. He wanted me to get an abortion. Deep down I knew I couldn’t do it; the baby had a heartbeat (I was 5 weeks) and knew I couldn’t live with the guilt, so I refused to have one.
The weeks passed and I started to suffer with a mountain of stress and horrendous hyperemesis. I worried everyday about the baby due to all the stress. Then things hit rock bottom, the father left me. I was 12 weeks pregnant. I now had to deal with a breakup as well as everything else. I was devastated and very depressed. 2 days later though, I saw my baby for the first time. ‘Oh my god there’s an actual baby in there!’ I cried at the screen. It was amazing, I knew I made the right decision, even if things were tough. I worked hard to try and carry on with my course so I could get a good job and provide for my baby. The weeks quickly flew by but each day my anxiety was there questioning all choices as an expectant mom. I was also still depressed from the breakup, I only left the house when I absolutely had to, but glad that the sickness had gone.
Then at 34 weeks pregnant I somehow managed to complete all my work for my MA. It was a huge relief for me, a weight had been lifted and I could now focus on my baby. Then 4 weeks later, my waters broke. I spent all a few days in the hospital, they tried different things to induce my labour naturally. Honestly it was hard and terrifying, the pain was unbearable. They finally took me to labour ward 4 nights later and put me on a drip and broke my waters. It was a very long and terrifying ordeal for me, my mom and the baby’s father who both stayed with me the entire time of my labour. This made my anxiety worse I was terrified for the baby to now come out, what if I wasn’t good enough? What if something was wrong and baby didn’t survive?
Finally, the moment came, and he was born. Completely exhausted I held my son for the first time still finding it hard to believe he was mine. My happiness was short lived through; he was soon taken to neonatal because something was wrong. Now drained and terrified I was sent up to the ward away from my son in a room alone. I was so scared for him.
It’s now nearly 4 months later and he is 15 weeks old, he is a happy and healthy boy whose very active. From the start of my pregnancy up till now my mental health has suffered a lot. I had hit rock bottom and climbed up again and now I was on a roller coaster of emotions. I still worry that I am not good enough for him, I wonder if the things I do for him are they the right way?
Why am I sharing this?
Motherhood and mental health is super important. Its hard to keep yourself healthy while trying to raise a child. You put your child/s needs ahead of your own, you neglect yourself and what your body needs. I’m sharing my part of my journey to share how hard it has been and still is for me.
Furthermore, I reached out to other moms on social media to find out when it comes to mommy mental health what do they think of? These are just some of their replies... These heart-breaking responses are just some of the realities us moms feel on a daily basis. The comments below are just some of the many responses I have received about mommy mental health:
‘It’s important to understand that it can happen at any time as most people think it happens immediately. I found talking to a mental health nurse and not close relatives really helpful and I was amazed at how common it is! I have also developed OCD tendencies with this and it’s exhausting!’
‘I now have postnatal depression which is scary and a vicious circle of wanting to go out and do things but not having the energy or motivation!’
How can we help ourselves?
If you relate to these comments above, then firstly know that you are not alone. Many moms feel the same and there is no shame of it. Here are just a few ways you can help yourself.
Speak to your GP- consult your doctor for advice if you are findings things really tough, they are there to help you.
Confine in friends or family- even just by getting things off your chest can be a huge relief.
Social support groups- Facebook has many mummy support groups which you can relate to and speak to other moms. (They have helped me out a lot).
Take time out for yourself each day- easier said than done I know, even if its just a shower alone, a 10 minute relax time while baby is asleep try and do something for you each day. You need to be well to look after baby.
For more information and support, explore the sites below and remember you aren’t alone momma bear.