Finding Your Mum Tribe

Being a mum is a massive learning curve – if you have a good support network around you it can make the journey easier.

It’s important to find like-minded mums who share your core values.  People that you can talk to honestly and openly – who will support rather than judge.  People who will know when to offer advice and when you just need someone to listen sympathetically.  These kinds of friendships take time to build and develop, but you can get an idea fairly early on of who has a similar parenting style to the type of parent you are or hope to be.  

I’d really recommend getting out to Mums groups as soon as you can.  It may feel like a huge challenge, especially in the early days, but it is well worth making the effort, as long term it will benefit both of you. Try a few different groups until you find a good fit, where you and your baby feel comfortable, valued and welcome.  

One of my favourite poems from ‘Baby Daze’ is called ‘Mums and Babies Group.’

Mums and Babies Group

My local Mums and Babies group

Helps to keep me sane.

With adult conversation

To stimulate my brain.

When I am feeling anxious

It helps to get me through

To hear that all the other mums

Have fears and worries too.

We talk about our babies

And get stuff off our chest

And reassure each other

We can only do our best.

We have a laugh and giggle

About the week we’ve had

Sharing our experience

The good things and the bad.

By the time our tea is finished

And we’ve put the world to rights

We’re re-energised to face

Another week of sleepless nights.

Try not to be unsettled by the mums at baby groups that appear to have the whole parenting thing sussed and the ‘perfect’ baby.  Chances are that they are doing a great ‘swan’ impression – calm and serene on the outside, but paddling frantically under the surface to stay afloat!  The parent who will shout from the rooftops about their child sleeping through the night, may not be as quick to tell you that their child won’t eat. Be honest with other parents and use the sessions to gather ideas to try out.  Parenting is a challenge and you can learn a lot from listening to others who have already been through that phase.  

As with all friendships, your friendships as a mum will change and evolve.  As the children get older, they’ll begin to develop different interests and the playdates you’ve always had may no longer work.  By this point, you may have forged a firm friendship with the mum and rather than lose that friendship, you may decide to meet for an ‘mums only’ coffee or lunch occasionally. 

It is still possible to maintain most of the good friendships that you had before you became a parent, as long as those friends are accepting and supportive of your new priority as a mum.  Someone that I know eventually had to let go of a long- term friendship as her friend was resentful of her child and the friendship eventually became toxic. True friends will make the necessary adjustments and will see you when it’s mutually convenient. 

There are so many places and opportunities to meet new mum friends in person now, like baby play areas with a café, groups like rhyme time and story time at libraries, baby massage, baby sensory, etc.  Remember, if you feel that you are lacking in confidence when going to a group for the first time, that most, if not all of the mums there, probably had the same nerves when they first went. There are also professionals who can recommend support if you are feeling overwhelmed, lonely or isolated.  They can also recommend baby friendly groups and places in your area.

So good luck with building your own mum tribe.