I Thought I Was Having a Girl, Oh Boy!

Pink line. Pink line means pregnant. How? I mean I know how, but really? I obviously knew there was a possibility, or else I wouldn't have taken a pregnancy test. I even had a shirt I had bought in case I was, to share the news to my husband - back then my boyfriend. Still, I ended up taking a test every day for a week just to be sure. 

After my first ultrasound, the reality of the little human growing inside of me finally started to set in. I began daydreaming about a little girl. Now, don't get me wrong, I truly did not have a preference as far as the baby's sex, I just assumed I was having a girl because both of our families were primarily made up of girls. Plus, I’m a girl, so what else would I have? Right? 

I would ask my boyfriend if he'd be disappointed with a daughter, "no," he'd answer. I'd ask him if he wanted a boy, "I don't care, as long as he or she is healthy." How sweet I thought. He knew he had to say that. I felt bad; he would have to hide his secret disappointment at our gender reveal party, when we'd cut the cake and see pink. I knew that even if he was initially disappointed, he would melt the moment he held our daughter, because we were going to have a girl. 

“What do you feel?” I would get asked that all the time. As in, did I feel I was having a girl or a boy. To be honest, I was disappointed that I never had "a feeling." So many women say they just "felt it," they knew what they were having before it could be confirmed by an ultrasound or at birth. Nope, not me. All I felt was tired. I also felt anxious to find out whether our home would eventually be bombarded with barbies or trucks (yes, I realize these stereotypes are not always true but after enough play dates I have found these stereotypes exist for a reason). I would always answer the “feeling" question with, “I don’t feel anything, but I think it's a girl.” 

**We cut the cake. Pink filling! I shout, "I knew it!"

I hug my boyfriend and hope he's not too disappointed. I cry happy tears.** I day-dreamed about the moment we would cut the cake all the time. I was anxious - excited and scared. I don’t really know what I was scared about, it was probably just the hormones. 

Saturday October 15th 2016 is the day we found out the sex of our baby. We took cute pictures with blue and purple balloons and flowers. We had containers with M&Ms, one that said "peanuts" & and another "no peanuts." I mean we went all out, it was our first, it was cute. I had everyone write out their guess on paper, in either blue or purple ink. I'm telling you, it was cute. One of my aunts had forgotten to write down her guess. "You're having a boy. I already know. You look like a boy mom." She said it as such a matter of fact statement, but I wasn't convinced. A boy mom? What is that? Not me. I'd be a horrible "boy mom." 

After dinner, it was finally time to cut the cake. My boyfriend had to push down hard on the knife we were both holding- I was so hesitant- to cut the cake; I was nervous. "It's a boy," is what I thought I heard my boyfriend say. I had looked away the moment he cut it. Boy? Everyone in unison, "it's a boy!" I looked inside the cake, blue. Yes, boy. Everyone was excited. Like I said, we didn’t have many little boys in the family at the time. 

It took me a moment to process. I laugh, I cried, not sad tears but happy shocked tears? I didn’t know anything about little boys, how was I supposed to raise one? What will I play with him? What's this kid's name? I had a name for a girl picked out since I was seventeen. This little boy was a complete stranger to me, with no name. 

I don’t know if my shock was mistaken with disappointment but two moms present at the time- that had both girls and boys- told me how they love all of their children equally, but there is just something about the love between a boy and his mama. 

The shock quickly became excitement. A little boy. My little boy. I waited with anticipation to meet him. He eventually had a name, Alejandro Desi Jax (his name is a whole other story). I started daydreaming about holding him. I couldn't wait to be a "boy mom," I melted at the thought of having a "mamas boy." The bond between my son and I had started to grow with every month that passed. 

About six months after our gender reveal, I had the privilege to understand what those moms had talked about. The moment my little boy was born I couldn't imagine a different reality where I would have had a girl. He was meant to be mine all along. 

My little boy is now two, about to be three and he has helped me discover sides of me I didn't know existed. I am more confident, not afraid to stand out and be silly in public if it means I get to hear his infectious laugh. I owe my growing excitement about monster trucks, dinosaurs and space all to him. Obviously, this is not to say a little girl wouldn't love those things but I probably would have unintentionally influenced her interests to be more typical "girl" stuff. I’m happy that instead my little boy has influenced me. He has forced me out of my comfort zone and as a direct result molded me into a better person. He has me wrapped around his little finger, him... and his brother. 

Yes, I am now a proud mom of two little boys, and I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, I am now trying to "speak into existence" my third son. He even has a name! A boy mom's life for me! 

So, to any mommy who has just found out they are having a little boy, get ready for the best adventure of your life.